It's Stanky Stuff

Babygirl has a stuffed monkey that used to be mine that I only found in a box a few days ago. Since she is obsessed with "Curious George," her head nearly exploded with the excitement of this stuffed animal. She promptly named him Dorj. Dorj has velcro hands you can use to clasp him around your neck so that you can carry him without using your hands (and you know, when you're a toddler, it's useful to have a monkey doll who hangs onto you, thereby leaving your hands free for important things like clinging to your mother's legs and begging to be picked up and held while she's cooking your dinner on a very hot stove). Dorj's felt eyes are also permanently closed and he has a satisfied grin on his face, making him look oddly postcoital for a stuffed monkey.

Last night, we had to drive around doing errands, and Babygirl brought Dorj along. I was listening to my music - and I'm a bad parent because I don't censor what I listen to when she's within earshot - and the Black-Eyed Peas "Smells Like Funk" came up on iPod shuffle. Now, this song is killer and nasty. It's seriously bumping. I have to give you the lyrics here so you know just how nasty it is:

Yeah, that's Funky (Funky)
Yeah, that's Funky (Funky)
Yeah, that's Funky (Funky)

If it smells like Funk it must be us
The Funk Funk full foul stinky it's stanky stuff
If it smells like Funk it must be us
The Funk Funk full foul stinky it's stanky stuff
If it smells like Funk it must be us
The Funk Funk full foul stinky it's stanky stuff
If it smells like Funk it must be us
Cause nobody's Funky as us, Cause we keep it Stinky (Stinky)
We keep it Stinky, (Stinky)
We keep it Stinky, (Stinky)
We keep it Stinky, (Stinky)
Stinky, Stinky, Stinky,

The Funk phenomenon, we Funk you on n' on
There's no need to hold your nose,
Cause this pong sing like a rouge

Big booty Funk, Toe jam Funk,
Underarm Funk, like you headlocking a Skunk'
Reeking like diseased athletes' feet,
The stench didn't come till after this beat
Smellin' like drawers no weezin no pause
Put your hand up on the speakers get smelly ass paws
You know we was coming before we entered the door
Cause you could smell the rhyme when we was walking down the hall
We bring the Funk worse then a wet dog
Stinkin' like fat ladies shittin' out Logs
We drop enough shit and keep them toilets clogged
Keep the people jumpin' like them Bullfrogs
The first one who smelt it ain't the one who dealt it
Black Eyed Peas keep the scent blind like delta
Funky like onions you fryin' (Sure is Funky) girl you ain't lyin'

Yo' you Funkin' with the Funk family
The non fabricated factual faculty'
We formulatin' up in a factory
Focusin' on the energy' of fluid flow free'
We flawless, everything is for free
We flourish and we flaunt our flavour freshly, huh'
Can you believe we flip the frequencies and
Freak MCs they leave all frantically but
Our intent is ought to be friendly but
They fightin' when we start the freestylin' frenzy
I conk up ya' flat till your girlfriend beef
Fillin all anatomy, bringin' me flattery, huh'
She'll be diggin' these rhymes that ease beats
Like cellulite lyrics so flabby
We bring the funk to your festivities
If you think something stank then it must be the Peas!

If it smells like Funk it must be us
The Funk Funk full foul stinky it's stanky stuff
If it smells like Funk it must be us
The Funk Funk full foul stinky it's stanky stuff
If it smells like Funk it must be us
The Funk Funk full foul stinky it's stanky stuff
If it smells like Funk it must be us
Cause nobody's Funky as us, cause we keep it Stinky
(Funky, Funky, Funky, Funky)

Cellulite overweight stankin' MCs
Stench smells so strong it's unsanitary
Cause you can sense me a mile away so Chanky
With the jungle Funk sound from Serengeti
Meaty, Fat, Nasty like miss Fat booty's tights
Gettin' dirty like mudfights and dirtbikes
Turning these drawers black they used to be white
And we shitin' on these tracks that you gonna' need to wipe
The odor's so contagious that it shows up in your dream
Man you could pick me out like food in between
Your two front teeth cause you be lackin' the streets
We got beefy ass beats that we bumpin' in the streets
We so nice n' sweet like steak box n' feet
Sour underarm Funk you ain't washed in a week
And man we be reekin' every day or weekend
We could all bounce to the Funk and the season

Haha haha
Yeah that's Funky,
Yeah that's Funky

Every smell is of a porker
then you know it got to be nobody other than Apl, Will n' Taboo
Cause if you know that if it smells like Funk then it must be us
If you smellin' Fat Funk then it must be us
If you smellin' something Funky
then you know it got to be nobody other than Apl, Will n' Taboo
Cause you know that if it smells like Funk than it must be us
If you smellin' elephants than it must be us
If you smellin' somethin Funky
then you know it got to be nobody other than Apl, Will n' Taboo
Cause you know that if it smells like Funk then it must be us
If you smellin' elephant shit then it must be us.

Go give it a listen, kids, it's worthwhile. Anyway, the point is, I was playing this in the car, and all of a sudden, I see monkey arms in the rearview mirror. At the next stoplight, I turned around and saw Babygirl flinging Dorj around madly and yelling, "Dorj dancing!" I started laughing and said, "Hey, can Dorj raise the roof?" and showed her how - I'll be damned if she didn't make that monkey dance better than your most painted-up club kid. Then she screamed "DORJ CRAZY!" I had to agree. That monkey has mad dancing skillz.