Next Top Model

In a week, yours truly is going to be a model in a local fundraiser fashion show being put on by my rollerderby league. The proceeds are going to a local charity and it seems like a good cause, so I - oh, fuck, who am I kidding? I get to prance around on stage in a spotlight in cute clothes I didn't have to pay for after a professional has done my hair and makeup. Really, I don't think I need another reason to participate.

So yesterday, I went to the boutique that I'll be modelling for a fitting. This involved a gay man with hips smaller than mine asking me my size (and I decided not to lie since it would just drag everything out that much longer and make me look stupid) and loading up a fitting room with all kinds of hopeful things. I confess that I took a weird pleasure in being sort of catered to like this while "normal" shoppers were all around.

"We're just getting a sense of your size and the styles that look best on you, hon!" the salesboy called as he threw pairs of impossibly tiny jeans and flimsy blouses over the door of the dressing room.

And the amazing thing? Almost everything looked great. The exception was this strapless dress that, now that I've looked at a picture of it online, I feel better about since it looks just as much like shit in that picture as it did on me.

I guess, too, it's a bad sign when you exit the dressing room and two salespeople immediately start giggling at just how hard your poor little tits are working to keep your damn dress up.

Everything else seems good, though at least one dress necessitates wearing that v-string panty I've already told you all way too much about on here (maybe it's time to invest in more than one pair of these?)(I can get them as a Mother's Day gift for myself since nothing says "Mama" like a half-ounce of fabric that doesn't do much to cover your girly bits). There's no room for a slip with it (thank God, as I hate slips), but I wonder if this will be problematic with lighting. Good thing I'm not modest and, really, if I didn't want people to check out my ass through a dress, why the hell would I do this in the first place?